Fair to Compare?

July 22, 2011 § 3 Comments

Here’s something I want help with. I want to teach myself not to compare my kids. So far, I have found this to be nearly impossible. Let me illustrate with a comparison of my pregnancies.

With Hiram, not comparing was easy. Obviously. He was my first baby and everything was new. He was strong and healthy and his pregnancy hit me like a ton of bricks. “I’m here mama!” he said from the very, very start.

Then came Baby Baby, who I only had for a short time. Baby Baby was small with an extremely gentle soul. Baby Baby made me worry before I knew anything was wrong. Baby Baby was the opposite of Hiram.

e-Lou? e-Lou is different still. e-Lou doesn’t give me much to worry about but keeps me guessing all the time. Am I pregnant, or not? Is there a heartbeat, or not? Are you kicking, or not? Physically, e-Lou is easier than Hiram. Psychologically, e-Lou is harder.

See? Poor Hiram. He’s the benchmark. Which is a little unacceptable. What did he do to deserve to be a benchmark? He was born first (not his choice) and he’s got a sibling on the way (also, not his choice).

I’ve already decided to (try to) stop comparing out loud (at least in front of Hike). But how can I stop my thoughts? Is this possible? Is this even a rational goal?

So mammas and papas, what do you think? Do you compare your kids in secret or out loud? Does it matter? Does it get easier once your baby’s actually born?

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§ 3 Responses to Fair to Compare?

  • Trace says:

    It’s impossible not to compare. In some cases, it helps you decide if things are okay (baby 1 got a fever and was up all night before getting an ear infection…baby 2 just did that…maybe I should keep a close eye on him). Sometimes, when your kids are older, they’ll enjoy hearing how they are alike/different (you may have had colic, but your sister was up all night, so you both kept mom from sleeping). Comparisons help ground us in who we are. But, if you compare unfairly, then you have a problem (your sister always got As in math, why can’t you). I wish I could say it’s always easy to decide when it’s good or bad. Just trust that you are a good mom and will make the right choice most of the time.

  • Sue Yund says:

    It’s human nature to compare your children . . . before birth, after birth, during childbood and even when they’re all grown up and move away.

  • Heather says:

    Its definitely hard not too…like Trace said as long as you don’t do it unfairly it seems normal. I find we compare their personalities – although they are both stubborn and independent but Katherine seems to be even more independent! Don’t feel bad each child is going to be different. Trust yourself.

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