A story about static

February 24, 2012 § Leave a comment

I’m not sure if this is really Eldyn’s fault or if I am just projecting, but regardless, I am convinced he needs things a certain way in order to fall asleep. I think he needs:

  • To be swaddled
  • To be warm
  • To be full
  • To have his pacifier at least nearby
  • To have the radio blasting static on a specific a.m. frequency

As with our methods for soothing colic, these things must all occur simultaneously. They each play an important role in obtaining the holy grail of sleep. So. You can imagine my alarm when, after a particularly difficult day of red-faced crying (by both of us), the a.m. radio station sounded…wrong. It was higher pitched. More irritating. Less soothing. Not right. At all.

I started scanning other stations in search of something more suitable.

Too quiet.

Too high.

Too gravel-y.

Too much talking.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. No. No!

Naturally, I became hysterical. I ran into Hiram’s room and tried his radio. It sounded better. I unplugged everything else in his room before I found the right cord and finally managed to get the radio untangled from the rest of the stuff. I ran back to Eldyn’s room and plugged it in.

“What are you dooooing?” Hiram asked, wide-eyed.

“I’m trying to get Eldyn to sleep!” I screamed.

When I plugged the radio back in, the high pitch frequency was back. I started scanning again and that was how Brad found us. Huddled around both radios, scanning and scanning and scanning.

“Do something!” I screamed.

Brad took over for a few minutes and then said gravely, “There’s nothing I can do. We’re at the mercy of the signal.”

We were at the mercy of the signal!

Brad, bless his heart, did his best. He brought in another radio and found a station that sounded a little like the static we knew and loved.

Meanwhile, I had given up.

I sat there glumly. Rocking and rocking my sad baby. Rocking and rocking and not talking. Not talking because I knew the next thing out of my mouth was going to be mean. Rocking and listening to Brad’s static that just wasn’t good enough static.

And then Eldyn burped. And spit-up was dripping down my back on the inside of my shirt. And I realized everything is ridiculous.

The end.

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