OMG a Bee.

July 12, 2012 § Leave a comment

Still not sure how brilliant it was to let Hiram sleep in our bed while Brad was away on business– we’ll have to see how tonight goes. But one thing I can say is that the prospect of sleeping in daddy’s spot made Hiram quite obedient during my short stint as a single mama.

One other thing I can say is that Hiram is a pretty good watch-kid as it relates to bugs. He has what seems to be a running inventory of where every bug in the house is at every given moment. And so. Last night. As Hiram and I were going to sleep in the same big bed, Hiram was giving me updates.

Hiram: Mom.

Me: Yes, Hiram.

Hiram: There’s a bug.

Me: OK, go to sleep.

Hiram: A very big spider.

Me: Good. Spiders eat other bugs.

Hiram: No, a very big spider right up there (pointing to a spot right above our heads).

Hiram was wrong. It was not a spider. It was very big though. And it was a hornet.

Oh carp and other fish.

My mind immediately went here: Can this wait until Brad gets home? Maybe? Not.

I needed to get this hornet out of my house. I was in charge of keeping my babies safe and a huge hornet, by definition, was an obstruction to this goal. I put Hiram in his own room (“Only for a minute, Hiram, you can come back when I’m done.”) and then proceeded to act like a complete crazy lady. I know I was acting like a crazy lady because I kept catching Hiram peering around the door frame looking at me like I was.

First I tried smush it. Before smushing it, I talked myself up by saying, “This is your one chance. If you do this wrong, you will be in a world of hurt.”

Then I did it wrong. Which resulted in a partially injured and truly ticked-off hornet buzzing around the room.

“GET BACK IN YOUR ROOM!” I screamed at Hiram as I ducked and swerved to avoid the hornet’s wrath. For once since turning three, Hiram listened to me on the first try. (Mental note, try acting like a crazy lady more often?)

It was time to turn to phase two of the plan I was making up as I went along. This part is best described by the questions Hiram asked while peering back around the door frame. He asked:

  1. “Why you got the vacuum?”
  2. “Why you turning the vacuum on and off?”
  3. “Why you putting the vacuum on the bed?”
  4. “Why you sucking up the spider?”
  5. “Why you turn the vacuum off?”
  6. “Why you running down stairs with the vacuum?”

Pause, as Hiram waits for me to come back upstairs. Then:

“Where is the vacuum?”

“Get back in bed,” I said.

“Where is the vacuum?” he asked again.

“I put it in the garage. For when daddy gets home.”


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