Hiram: 5 Years

June 6, 2014 § 1 Comment



5 years ago, this little man made me a mom.

I sometimes think about how hard it must be to train in a newbie mom.

  • To feel so helpless and have to depend on some woman who dresses you in 18 layers because honestly, she only just met you last week and doesn’t know you’re a sweaty head.
  • To be so starving and have this same woman try everything but milk to sooth you. “He can’t be hungry? He just ate.”
  • To climb up the steps (all by yourself!) only to be so alarmed by your mama (who is freaking out because you climbed the steps all by yourself!) that you fall all the way back down. While she screams.

And yet, despite the fact that I have made some huge mistakes on this kid, he loves me. He forgives me. He trusts me and believes in me. He knows we’ll figure things out.

On a good day, I’m lucky if I can trust my gut or even forgive myself for eating an extra chocolate chip cookie.

Five is a thing for me. It makes me cry. It makes me want to pick Hiram up and carry him all over the house like he’s still my baby. It makes me want to stop things now. Keep them like this.

But then I look at him and the way he’s eager to learn and try and be big. I see that he’s teaching me again. He’s teaching me to go after life and want all the things it brings. For him and for me.

Sometimes I wonder how I can ever let him grow up. But on days like today I know I’ll be able to do it. As long as he’s there to help.

Happy Birthday Hiram!



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